


What's In A Name

by pupeez4eva



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: 'Dick' is a REALLY unfortunate nickname, Dick and Wally friendship, Everyone's confused, Gen, Humor, Misunderstandings, Superboy still has a lot to learn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 16:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5213177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Superboy misunderstands, and Robin realises that having the nickname 'Dick' might be a REALLY bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's In A Name

So maybe he shouldn't have been listening to their conversation (in hindsight, it would have saved them all _a lot_ of trouble). But, well, he had super-hearing, and very little control over it, so in his opinion, you couldn't really _blame_ him for overhearing Robin and Wally's conversation.

And maybe he shouldn't have interrupted either — after all, it wasn't any of his business — but he didn't like the idea of just hanging back while Wally repeatedly insulted Robin. After about five minutes of Wally calling Robin "dick", Conner decided that _something_ had to be done.

That something just happened to be bursting into the other room, eyes narrowed, and growling, "you should really stop saying that!"

Robin and Wally turned, and stared at him blankly.

"Uh…hello to you too, Supey," Wally said slowly.

"Why are you being so mean to Robin?" he demanded. Both boys looked bewildered, but Conner ignored this — he was too busy being _confused._ Robin and Wally were supposed to be best friends, and they seemed to be fine earlier that day. But if everything was fine, then why did Wally keep calling Robin a dick?

"Wally isn't being mean to me," Robin replied, looking confused. "And, uh, were you listening to our conversation…?"

"He called you a dick!" Conner protested (choosing to ignore Robin's question).

Robin blanched. For some reason, a look of panic was spreading rapidly across his face.

Wally's eyes flickered for a moment, before a lazy grin appeared on his face.

"Oh yeah, that." He slung an arm around Robin's shoulders. The younger boy was shooting him rapid, panicked glances. "I meant it in a good way. He's a dick, but he's _my_ dick."

"KF!" Robin snarled.

Conner blinked. _"_ _Your_ dick?" What was _that_ supposed to mean? He'd been under the impression that 'dick' was a colloquial term for male genitals, and an insult for people you didn't like. As far as he knew, there wasn't anything affectionate about it. Had CADMUS been wrong? "What…does that mean?"

"Nothing!" Robin looked incredibly tense. "It means nothing and — KF, _get off!_ _"_

Wally fell backwards, his body quaking with laughter.

Conner stared at them, his eyes wide in bewilderment.

…

He approached Kaldur about an hour later.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get that odd phrase out of his head. What did it _mean?_ He'd attempted to look up the term "my dick" online, but, well…the results hadn't been pretty. So, with the internet officially ruled out, Conner knew he only had his friends to turn to.

Kaldur would know, wouldn't he? After all, Kaldur was the team leader, and he was smart. He knew a lot more about Earth terminology than Conner did, at any rate. Conner had mulled over that strange phrase for a while, and he decided that it had to be some sort of earth term to signify a person's relationship with someone. Wally and Robin were good friends — maybe that's what it meant.

Kaldur was his friend, and Conner supposed he could consider them good friends. Did that make Kaldur his dick? Conner frowned; it sounded so _strange_ , but then, Earth terminology often was. After all, there were a lot of words that had more than one meaning — the word 'gay', for instance, could refer to an emotion, and to someone's sexual preference.

So, why couldn't the term 'my dick' be the same as calling someone 'my good friend'?

Conner finally found Kaldur in the training room. The other teen glanced up when Conner walked in, and smiled politely.

"Conner?"

"Hi," Conner said. He stood for a moment, staring thoughtfully at Kaldur. The Atlantian blinked, looking confused.

"Is there something you wanted to ask me?" he inquired, slowly.

"Yes…" Conner hesitated. "Uh, Wally said something to Robin earlier today, and I'm just a bit confused about what it means."

Kaldur nodded, smiling. "Go on then," he replied.

Conner cocked his head to the side. "Kaldur, are you my dick?" he questioned.

The smile faded.

"I'm… _sorry?_ _"_ The Atlantian looked incredulous.

Hmm — perhaps Kaldur _wasn_ _'_ _t_ a master of Earth terminology after all.

"It's just that, Wally called Robin his dick earlier today," Conner replied, frowning, "and we're friends, so I was wondering if that made _you_ my dick."

Kaldur shook his head slowly. "No Conner it does not — I am not — "

"Kal?" Conner glanced up as the doors opened, and Red Arrow wondered inside. Conner frowned slightly; he hadn't been aware that the older teen had been visiting the Cave. Maybe this was a good thing though — surely Roy would know?

"Is Kaldur your dick?" he asked.

Kaldur paled.

Roy blinked, and then his eyes widened.

"The _fuck?_ _"_ he spluttered incredulously. _"_ _No_ he isn't!"

Conner's shoulder's slumped. Why was this so _confusing?_ He just wanted to know what it meant, and he was _sure_ he had the right idea…

"But why aren't you?" he asked. "You're friends, right?"

Roy let out an incredulous laugh. "Well I sure as hell am _not_ friends with my dick!" he snapped. "…At least not in that sense," he added, almost as an afterthought.

"So you aren't Kaldur's Dick? And Kaldur isn't my dick?" Conner chewed on his lip, his brow furrowed. "But… _Robin_ is _Wally_ _'_ _s_ dick?"

Roy's jaw dropped open. _"_ _No_ he isn't. Where the fuck did you get _that_ idea?!"

Conner cocked his head to the side. So Roy didn't know about it after all…that was surprising, considering how long he'd known Wally and Robin for.

So what did it mean? Was it a secret? That certainly explained why Robin had looked so nervous when Conner had burst into the room. But if it wasn't a term of endearment for a _friend,_ then maybe…

Could Robin and Wally be in a relationship?

"Conner?" Kaldur's voice was a mixture of wariness and concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Stop asking people about their dicks!" Roy added, glaring.

"Because it's private?" Conner asked.

"Well _yes_ it's fucking private! That and, what you're saying makes no _sense!_ _"_

"Because Robin couldn't be Wally's dick?" Conner eyed Roy thoughtfully.

" _No,_ because that's _physically impossible."_

Conner smiled. "Thanks for you help," he said, before walking out. Sure, they hadn't been that helpful (they didn't seem to have any idea what he was talking about), but they'd pointed him in the right direction, and he should be grateful for that.

…

For some reason, M'gaan seemed incredibly insulted when he asked her if she was his dick.

Five minutes after she'd walked out of the room, Conner couldn't put his finger on _what_ he had said that was so wrong. Sure, he'd once thought that 'dick' was an insult, but Wally and Robin had proved him wrong. It was a term of endearment, wasn't it? And he'd been so _sure_ that it was something you'd say to your boyfriend or girlfriend…

Conner leaned back against the kitchen table, and let out a miserable sigh. Why did Earth culture have to be so _confusing._ Maybe M'gaan had misunderstood? She'd grown up on Mars after all. But…M'gaan watched a lot of television, and read all of those weird magazines, so she probably knew a lot more than he did.

Conner sighed in frustration. It wasn't even that important, but he just wanted to _know._

…

Batman caught Conner staring thoughtfully at him and Superman. Of course he did; it's _Batman_ after all. Conner hadn't meant to stare, but the entire Justice League was here, and it had got him thinking about their dicks.

(He'd realise, much later, just how _weird_ that was).

It didn't refer to friendship, and it didn't refer to romantic attachments (maybe _that_ _'_ _s_ why M'gaan had been so offended; had she thought that he'd been downplaying their relationship?) but maybe…maybe it was a term referring to close comradeship. Of course it didn't explain Kaldur and Roy's strange responses, but maybe they'd simply been confused. Or perhaps it was due to the length of time they'd known each other — they'd been on a team together for a while now, but not nearly as long as Wally and Robin had known each other.

The Justice League though…they had been a team for _years._ And Superman and Batman were supposed to be really good friends, right? Everyone but Batman seemed to say so anyway.

"Can I _help_ you, Superboy?" Batman growled.

Conner shifted uncomfortably. He could see the team staring at him from the corner of his eye, and even though he _wanted_ to speak his mind, he was nervous about the consequences. After all, Superman was now staring at him, and Superman always made him nervous (and of course there was Batman, who was always terrifying).

"Um…" he hesitated.

"Superboy?" Conner glanced up, and saw Black Canary smiling at him gently. He relaxed; Black Canary always had that affect on him. In Conner's opinion, she was the best den-mom they could have ever asked for. "Is everything alright?"

"I have something I want to ask," he blurted out.

' _Calm down,'_ he told himself. There was nothing _wrong_ with what he wanted to know. And Batman would know — after all, Wally and Robin had been saying it to each other (well Wally had been saying it to Robin anyway), and Robin was Batman's partner.

"Yes?" Batman pressed. Beside him, Superman stared at him, frowning thoughtfully.

"Is Superman your dick?" Conner asked.

For a moment there was nothing but silence. He could hear a frantic choking coming somewhere from his left, and even Batman looked shocked by his question (for a moment anyway; a few seconds later his expression smoothed out into his usual masked stare).

" _No!"_ Superman spluttered. "Wha - where did that even _come_ from?!"

"Superboy," Batman said stiffly, _"why_ did you ask that?"

Everyone else in the room was looking between Batman and Conner, as if waiting for the Kryptonite to be pulled out.

So now, Superman was angry at him. And everyone else seemed horrified, and Batman looked…well, like Batman.

And Conner was even more confused now, because, dammit, _he just wanted to know!_

"Then whose dick is he?!" he demanded desperately. "And whose dick am I?!"

Green Arrow burst into laughter, clutching at his stomach. Black Canary let out a noise of annoyance, and elbowed him in the ribs.

Batman closed his eyes momentarily, and Connor heard him mutter, "why do I put up with this?"

"Conner," Black Canary said gently, "why would you think… _that?"_

"And what the hell does it even _mean?"_ Green Arrow choked between laughs. "…Oh who am I kidding, I don't _care_ what it means, because it's just too great — "

Black Canary elbowed him again.

"I heard Wally saying it to Robin," Conner mumbled, avoiding their gazes, and staring intently at the floor. Maybe this had been a bad idea...

There's a moment of silence.

"…The other day I mean. He kept saying it, so I asked Wally, and Wally said that Robin was _his_ dick."

Conner wonders if he should be saying all this — after all, he was starting to get the feeling that this is all too personal. He shouldn't be saying it in front of the entire Justice League, _and_ the team.

Batman shot a deadly glare in Wally's direction, and Wally whimpered.

The entire League seemed to understand what was going on. Slowly, their eyes widened in realisation, and they shot incredulous glances in Wally and Robin's direction.

And Conner — dammit — _still_ didn't know what was happening.

"Kid Flash," Batman growled, "we're going to be having a talk."

Wally gulped.

"But what does it _mean?"_ Conner asked desperately.

Flash walked up to him, and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't you worry about that kid," he said gently. In a lower voice, he added, "and please don't push it — Bat looks angry, and I like my nephew best when he's _alive."_

And then Flash walked away, and Conner was left wondering, yet again, why Earth was so _confusing._

"Dammit," he heard Robin mutter (he really needed to do something about his super-hearing), "that's the last straw — I'm changing my name."

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic ages ago, stopped half way, and then randomly decided to finish it today. It's random as hell, and I have no idea why I write these things but, eh, it was fun, so here it is xD Hope you enjoy!
> 
> For those of you who follow my other Young Justice and Batman fics, they will be updated very soon! :)


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